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Erotic intelligence

What is love? And how can we manage to stay our entire life in a happy and crazy relationship. When we walk down the aisle we believe the bad luck is just for the rest of the people, that we are unique blessed creatures who won’t be slowly dying in boredom as it happens with them.


A house, two children, a loving wife, a caring husband and all the elements to turn this into the perfect “and they lived happily ever after…” chapter; this is what we want to believe. But the truth is that there is a small thing in our prefrontal cortex that yells when we are sitting in front of our TV and makes you notice the similarity between you and your partner which frightens you to death, this is called desire. Ever heard about it? If not then you belong to the 5% of the population who can ignore it and become an old grumpy person who is typically known for hating their neighbors and hitting on doggies.

Desire is the antidote to love, unfortunately, it is what makes you experience your dark sides, your real unconscious ego, according to Sigmund Freud, it is the most dangerous part in our mind, and it can be as ephemeral as crave for a cigarette, or a cupcake or thirst for the wealth your neighbor has created over time, but it also can be as deep as the desire for life and love.


The problem with love is that it stands for “to have” while desire stands for “to want” and if you have, you do not want, simple as that. But despite our ancestors getting married for economic reasons or to satisfy the society – we now, want to have everything – a partner that loves us, feeds us, someone who is the most handsome person and has a PhD in Physics while running a charity in his free time where he invests the money he doesn’t need from the profit he makes in his 37 companies.


The expectations are high, so high that we wouldn’t be able to find a sample with such features in an entire nation of men. The pressure creates distance between us but we have to do something, responsibility is the key. Is there a god in any religion that is forbidding us the right to be happy the way we want? And who says that desire is an enemy to your marriage? If this feeling is there, then somehow there is something wrong with it.

Desire is important, it makes us feel alive, it lets our imagination fly, it gives us a heartbeat and it lets us feel jealousy, fear and uncertainty that could possibly drive us crazy.

And Just when you think you are over it, it comes back to hit you with full effect and makes you take risks you usually never would. It leads you to forget who you are and who you never wanted to be, but still you continue, even if you look like a fool. Those people who are in controlling positions are at risk to run into desire when they find themselves in a situation where there is nothing to be controlled.  Lost, lost in space, lost in translation, lost in life, passion where you want to have similarity and security and harmony. But do we really want this?







I will never forget the look on the husband’s face that during a talk show witnessed how her charming housewife-mom which happens to be the author of “50 shades of grey” articulated in her imagination the entire detailed story, according to what I saw, this man can fasten his seatbelt, it was utterly surprising how his wife could put together all this in a trice. Then, I asked myself, how come this man didn’t know what his wife is able to do? We want to feel safe and loved, but this leads to boredom from which we need to escape by creating desire and when desire is nearly killing us we want to go back to the cozy home to recover and take off again.


Human beings are the only ones that are able to stand and live these cycles and always wait for someone else to come and create something for us. But if this love and desire is within us, then it must be understood within us, otherwise it is always a “you should give me, he should make me…” and it is like the light is on but nobody is home.


You successfully fought desire, good luck. It will turn against you, backfire and move to the other level, where we can handle it better, the business, the facts. There it is able to give it a name, but the problem is that it sleeps and comes in another form at another time, and you finally understood that you did not learn this lesson.


Ester Perlman did a study when you feel most drawn to your partner/ husband/ lover. And the result was that when he is away, when he or she is not reachable and the desire wakes up to wish him back – You want him.


Those who are alive, really alive, appreciate the gift of desire, like they appreciate the sense of adventure or  like travelling or new things that make you richer in the sense of enlarging your horizon.


Desire is important like competition, we cannot be without enemies, even if you are the most peaceful creature you need the challenge to survive. Imagine the 2 managers of a Blue Chip company talking to each other like “Thank you, you are right” or how about “No we will not take this risk if you don’t want”, impossible. The fire, the energy, is there where the heart beats and it depends who wants to stay alive or takes the decision to die in his soul on purpose.


Over time it will show if you did it right, if you are able to keep your mind vivid and your relationship alive.






And I dedicate this post to everyone who could manage it, and there are many, as for me, I understand the theory well, but I need to put it in practice.


Lots of love


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