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Are you a controlling person? Do you return home to check if your stove is shut down? And how often do you check your emails? I bet you carry your phone at all times with you – like an accessory – so you are able to control emails and text messages. Where is the line between control and obsession?

Watch your kids! Make them call you every 5 minutes to tell you where they are and control their entire life. FaceTime, yippee! With the help of this application we now can know where our husbands actually are when they say that they have to work longer. Control people are everywhere, but mostly you will find them among those, who have powerful positions and are used to be responsible for other people as well. They control the work of others to make sure they at least know for what someone above them will chop their head off. Control people have problems whenever they think someone else, whom they could not entirely access, takes their life in their hands. Good example is the pilot. If you are a control freak, the worst thing that can happen to you is to sit in the middle of the cabin, with the sunshields down and the lights off so it looks as if it is dark night, and the turbulence is making the plane bumping without your control. Or if you are undergoing a surgery and the anesthetist is telling you that shortly you will fall into deep sleep. Those moments are awful, you can’t control the situation and it leaves you feeling helpless and lost and there is nothing you can do about it.


The second wisdom of the Shaolin Monks teaches us that:

If you should act without having the power to do, just take a deep breath and do nothing. Wait, sleep on it, and the do nothing again.

Most probably the Shaolin monks are not control freaks and they have no idea how badly it feels to be one and how terrible it is for others if someone controls his or her surroundings 24/7.

Control obsession origins from deep fear and the need to feel safe. Nevertheless it goes hand in hand with perfectionism and this combination is something that is worth to check out.

“Two things control men’s nature, instinct and experience” 
Blaise Pascal. 

Here is my solution


Count how many times your answer is “Yes”.

  • It’s difficult for you to trust people.
  • You make lists for everything in your life.
  • You can’t stand it when you’re in a car but not driving.
  • As much as possible, you need to do everything yourself.
  • You rarely think that you’re wrong.
  • You love to be the center of attention.
  • When it comes to social gatherings, you prefer to do the planning.
  • You get bored when you have to listen to other people talk.
  • Your vacations tend to be structured and active.
  • You tend to think that you know what’s best for other people.
  • You don’t like people touching your stuff.
  • When you’re in a relationship, you like to know where your significant other is at all times.
  • You are definitely a perfectionist – and your own worst critic.
  • It’s hard for you to get used to a new hair style or new pair of jeans.
  • You would not really enjoy a surprise party thrown for you.
  • You can’t stand to wait for people who are running a few minutes late.
  • You are a completely stubborn person.
  • You tend to interrupt people a lot.
  • You don’t like taking orders.
  • You don’t take it lightly when people disagree with you.
  • Other people’s messes really bother you.
  • When you’re watching TV with other people, you always have to have the remote.
  • You are easily irritated.
  • You generally don’t trust people.
  • You are insulted when people don’t take your advice.


0-5 yes                    ok, this is acceptable

5-10 yes                   sit down and reboot your system

10-15 yes                you are a nerd

More                       see a shrink – fulltime and stay away from me


It reminds me of my last stay in paradise. My stress level was really high – I had two phones and four earplugs (which are always messed up in my bag). At that time I had been invited to very elegant event. I was talking on both of my phones, each phone on one ear, while I spotted a guy in a tuxedo. I asked him for white wine. “Cold and dry,” I said in a tough voice while still managing my phones. He brought me the wine and the scene repeated again a little while later. At that time the gentleman approached me and discretely whispered into my ear: I am glad you like the wine they have here, but I am just a guest and I do not work here.

“Giving up represents a choice you make when you decide not to take action on something over which you actually do have control”
Darren L. Johnson.

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