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Look at the person you are sitting opposite. If she or he having legs and arms crossed and pressing his or her lips together, while moving on the chair. Sorry you lost that deal.

Or is he or she less than an outstreched arm away and playing with his hair and showing the  aorta, like a vampire ……….motivation to bite, then you also lost the deal, but maybe you have a date soon ;-)

It is very interesting and unfortunately it is what we can say 80% of all deals how you sit, speak move and the most important is where do you sit, and what is the dynamic of the group you are in this specific moment. Forget all your spreadsheets and also your product. You can gain points by doing things right. The problem is while you concentrate on 3 points of your body your legs show to the exit and you lost.

We are marionettes of our inner soul, we cannot hide what we do not want.

Several studies and pictures that are analysed only later will prove evidence that when your head wants to say yes, your arms and your legs maybe clearly say no. You still can insist on being a little sweet sheep when you straight forward take the chair that all the others avoid or that they are dancing around, because as one of my businesscontacts once said on the question why the chair of the boss is empty even it would be better for us to sit closer :*he is abroad but we feel his spirit always present here. * – the guy wanted to make a joke but he was right, like with the animals we or at least some of us seem to have their places and disrupting this structure will cause trouble.

Everything about body language has to do with values in life. And values are the strongest motor for what can be good or horrble. Overstep your boarders with someone whos value is precision and being extremly in time. I have such a clash of values in my direct family. While my father wants to arrange things already one year ahead, I love to be independant in my private arrangements, and many times we had a conflict for the fact that we both found that the other one is terrible. The science talks about Neurolinguistic programming and some people will think, oh no, while others believe that this is a method to get people having a similar opinion. You have to control your and the behaviour of others so long till your opposite is doing the same things like you – this is called pacing, that finally leads to rapport, when you agree on the deal. Manipulation say people while others call it genius. I call it something that should be delt with care. What does it finally help you if you have a rapport about a thing and then the deal is cancelled when the first part is not executed according to your agreement.

A deal is a complex thing and many more people are involved and pacing and rapport and right chair are little helpers or finally steps to come to the core and the purpose. 

I love another story about Steve Jobs, when the whole team of a company he wanted to buy agreed that the main person will be late and then disturb the plans of the meeting by taking over control. Steve Jobs intuition let it again break as he started in time without the guy and when he came in to enjoy his stageperformance, Jobs gave him a lection in behaviour and cut him completely.

Here can check if you are a good or a bad boss (Carol Kinsay Goman writes in Forbes, this is from her…..brillant)

From the results of a recent survey of over 200 business professionals, here are the top twelve body language behaviors of less-than-ideal bosses.

1. You stop in the middle of a discussion and simulate golf swings once you begin to lose interest.

2. You constantly interrupt or talk over a staff member as if the person hadn’t been speaking at all.

3. You ignore all underlings in the corridor, even if the employee extends a greeting, but you make sure to acknowledge your fellow executives.

4. You roll your eyes and grimace at any comment that differs from your own point of view.

5. You send nonverbal signals of exclusion and disinterest when members of your team are talking: You look away, lean back, cross your arms and legs, tilt your head in a “looking-down-the-nose” position, and angle your torso away from the speaker.

6. You conduct every conversation with female staff members with your eyes on their chests.

7. You check your e-mail, shuffle papers, work on your computer, take phone calls, and clip your fingernails while meeting with employees.

8. You announce an “open door” policy and glare at anyone who dares to enter your office without an appointment.

9. You call for staff meetings and routinely forget to show up.

10. You pat a team member on the head while telling him he did a good job.

11. You lean over your assistant, and invade her personal space, to check her paperwork or computer screen.

And (drum roll) my personal favorite — which actually stopped the meeting cold . . .

12. You lean across the table toward a subordinate, stretch out your arm and make a loud “shushing” sound while wagging your hand (fingers to thumb like a snake head).

If you agree on more than 4 you are awful, I had something like 6.



  • Not only interesting but also very useful article. Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts about this topic.


    January 29, 2012

  • I have quite a lot of this.Very interesting and amusing!

    brian grossmann

    January 30, 2012

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