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Archive for December, 2015

Post

A Woman should…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….

handz 132

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enough money within her control to move out…
And rent a place of her own
even if she never wants to
or needs to…
Something perfect to wear if the employer
or date of her dreams wants to See Her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
A youth she’s content to leave behind….
A past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her Old Age….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
A set of screwdrivers,
a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
One friend who always makes her laugh…
And one Who lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
A good piece of furniture not previously owned
by anyone else in her Family…
Eight matching plates,
wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal that will make
her guests feel Honored…
A feeling of control over her destiny…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
How to fall in love without losing herself..
HOW TO QUIT A JOB,
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER,
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT
RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP…
When to try harder…
And WHEN TO WALK AWAY…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
That she can’t change the length of her calves,
The width of her hips,
or the nature of her parents..
That her childhood may not have been perfect…
But it’s over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
What she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…
How to live alone…
Even if she doesn’t like it…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
Whom she can trust,
Whom she can’t,
And why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
Where to go…
Be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
Or a charming inn in the woods…
When her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
What she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
A month…
And a year..

in a lifetime………………………….. ॐ

Written By: Maya Angelou/Pamela Redmond Satran

 

lots of love and merry christmas

d
handz 132

Post

no answer is also an answer

Psychologist Guy Winch shares some practical tips for soothing the sting of rejection.

Rejections are the most common emotional wound we sustain in daily life. Our risk of rejection used to be limited by the size of our immediate social circle or dating pools.

Today, thanks to electronic communications, social media platforms and dating apps, each of us is connected to thousands of people, any of whom might ignore our posts,

chats, texts, or dating profiles, and leave us feeling rejected as a result.

In addition to these kinds of minor rejections, we are still vulnerable to serious and more devastating rejections as well. When our spouse leaves us, when we get fired from

our jobs, snubbed by our friends, or ostracized by our families and communities for our lifestyle choices, the pain we feel can be absolutely paralyzing.

Whether the rejection we experience is large or small, one thing remains constant — it always hurts, and it usually hurts more than we expect it to.

The question is, why? Why are we so bothered by a good friend failing to “like” the family holiday picture we posted on Facebook? Why does it ruin our mood? Why would

something so seemingly insignificant make us feel angry at our friend, moody, and bad about ourselves?

THE GREATEST DAMAGE REJECTION CAUSES IS USUALLY SELF-INFLICTED. JUST WHEN OUR SELF-ESTEEM IS HURTING MOST, WE GO AND DAMAGE IT EVEN FURTHER.

The answer is — our brains are wired to respond that way. When scientists placed people in functional MRI machines and asked them to recall a recent rejection, they discovered

something amazing. The same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. That’s why even small rejections hurt

more than we think they should, because they elicit literal (albeit, emotional) pain.

But why is our brain wired this way?

Evolutionary psychologists believe it all started when we were hunter gatherers who lived in tribes. Since we could not survive alone, being ostracized from our tribe was basically

a death sentence. As a result, we developed an early warning mechanism to alert us when we were at danger of being “kicked off the island” by our tribemates — and that was rejection.

People who experienced rejection as more painful were more likely to change their behavior, remain in the tribe, and pass along their genes.

Of course, emotional pain is only one of the ways rejections impact our well-being. Rejections also damage our mood and our self-esteem, they elicit swells of anger and aggression,

and they destabilize our need to “belong.”

Unfortunately, the greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted. Indeed, our natural response to being dumped by a dating partner or getting picked last for a team is not

just to lick our wounds but to become intensely self-critical. We call ourselves names, lament our shortcomings, and feel disgusted with ourselves. In other words, just when our

self-esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further. Doing so is emotionally unhealthy and psychologically self-destructive yet every single one of us has done it at one

time or another.

The good news is there are better and healthier ways to respond to rejection, things we can do to curb the unhealthy responses, soothe our emotional pain and rebuild our self-esteem.

Here are just some of them:

Have Zero Tolerance for Self-Criticism

Tempting as it might be to list all your faults in the aftermath of a rejection, and natural as it might seem to chastise yourself for what you did “wrong” — don’t! By all means review what

happened and consider what you should do differently in the future, but there is absolutely no good reason to be punitive and self-critical while doing so. Thinking, “I should probably

avoid talking about my ex on my next first date,” is fine. Thinking, “I’m such a loser!” is not.

Another common mistake we make is to assume a rejection is personal when it’s not. Most rejections, whether romantic, professional, and even social, are due to “fit” and circumstance.

Going through an exhaustive search of your own deficiencies in an effort to understand why it didn’t “work out” is not only unnecessarily but misleading.

Revive Your Self-Worth

When your self-esteem takes a hit it’s important to remind yourself of what you have to offer (as opposed to listing your shortcomings). The best way to boost feelings of self-worth

after a rejection is to affirm aspects of yourself you know are valuable. Make a list of five qualities you have that are important or meaningful — things that make you a good relationship

prospect (e.g., you are supportive or emotionally available), a good friend (e.g., you are loyal or a good listener), or a good employee (e.g., you are responsible or have a strong work ethic).

Then choose one of them and write a quick paragraph or two (write, don’t just do it in your head) about why the quality matters to others, and how you would express it in the relevant situation.

Applying emotional first aid in this way will boost your self-esteem, reduce your emotional pain and build your confidence going forward.

Boost Feelings of Social Connection

As social animals, we need to feel wanted and valued by the various social groups with which we are affiliated. Rejection destabilizes our need to belong, leaving us feeling unsettled

and socially untethered. Therefore, we need to remind ourselves that we’re appreciated and loved so we can feel more connected and grounded. If your work colleagues didn’t invite you

to lunch, grab a drink with members of your softball team instead. If your kid gets rejected by a friend, make a plan for them to meet a different friend instead and as soon as possible.

And when a first date doesn’t return your texts, call your grandparents and remind yourself that your voice alone brings joy to others.

Rejection is never easy but knowing how to limit the psychological damage it inflicts, and how to rebuild your self-esteem when it happens, will help you recover sooner and move on with

confidence when it is time for your next date or social event.

 

 

 

ach jo

 

lots of love

d